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The Wisdom Years

Aging with grace

by Bernice Olson-Pollack

On the continuum of the aging process there are personal attributes and acquisitions that generate the positives of becoming older. A wizened elder recognizes his/her natural place in the flowing rhythm of youth seasoning to old age. The wisdom figure knows that every living being is just an infinitesimal part of the universe's life cycle. There are no struggles to "be young." Wrinkles and gray hair are merely superficial features that mark the passing of time. The treasures of life fulfillment are worth far more than the physical body has to offer. A greater relevance to a life well spent is more likely to be noticed by generations that follow when the elder displays a timeless sense of dignity. This is aging with grace.

Consider the comforting thoughts found in the words of Psalm 92:13-16

The just will flourish like the palm tree and grow like a Lebanon cedar.
Planted in the house of the Lord,they will flourish in the courts of our God,
They shall bear fruit even when they are old, still full of sap, still green
As life moves forward how marvelous it would be…

• to still bear fruit as one gets older
• to still remain fully alive and green
• to still be filled with the sap of life

In But When You Are Older; Reflections on Coming to Age, Donald X. Burt reflects on the words of 4th century philosopher and saint, Augustine (354-430). He said "As we grow, we do not lose what we were before; we build on it." He also expressed his formal belief that each person had the ability to choose the conditions of their life. "We make our times." Therefore within this context, empowered old age is characterized by a wise understanding of what was experienced in the past, the acceptance of what is now and the letting go of barnacled anxieties that limit the possibilities of the future.

Clockwise from left, Sisters Michon Desmond, Mercita Weis, Mary Avila Wittig, Gertrude Daugherty and Dolorice Schier enjoy a picnic lunch in the St. Rose Convent courtyard.

Modern medicine has made it possible for people to extend their years of living. The question is, however, what will make this improved longevity worthwhile? So much is dependent upon the individual and the perceptions that accompany the later years of life. Growing old is truly a gift. A little more time is given to some fortunate souls to be able to appreciate all the facets of their lives. During this late stage, it is a time for such elders to share with others the contents of their casks of wisdom. Once tapped open, the sages pour out their best moments of living gracefully. They are generously passed around for all generations to enjoy.

There are obvious challenges to be met with advancing age. However, the glowing embers of hope need only to be gently fanned to burn more brightly. In his book Aging Gracefully, Daniel Dymski addresses the fact that more people are living longer. He invites all those who are growing older to continue to provide enrichment to their "golden years."

Dymski defines the key concepts that encourage the process of aging with grace.

1. Adopt a Positive Attitude
Attitude - We need to look at our attitude toward aging and realize that it is possible to change or deepen our perception of growing older.

Turning Our Life Over to God - We need to search for the good that may be lost in an unsettled situation.

Being Happy - Aging is not a reason for despair but a basis for hope. It is not a slow decaying but a gradual maturing, not a fate to be undergone but an opportunity to be embraced.

Being Grateful - If we look carefully at the world around us, we can see that the list of things for which we can give thanks is literally endless.

2. Trust in God
Putting Aside Worries - Faith enhances our power to love and be loved.

Prayer and Meditation - For interior or private prayer there is a need for silence in the midst of noise.

A Spiritual Retirement Plan - When our spiritual or interior life is strong, our attitude toward others is gentle.

Patience and Perseverance - Older adults are challenged not merely to look ahead to the end of life's journey but to take time, here and now, to look back on all we have learned.

Journeying with Jesus - Faith does not make the deprivations of aging easy, but it can make the obstacles in life have more meaning.

3. Appreciate the Present Moment
Living in the Now - We can never grow if we assume that everything will be the same tomorrow as it was yesterday.

Stopping to Smell the Roses - Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.

Avoid Getting Stuck in the Past - Life each day offers us opportunities to open our lives to something new and rich.

Time - The treasures of time lie open to everyone.

The Present Moment - Spiritual balance can be restored by remembering Saint Augustine's words: "Do everything as though it were the most important act in the world, but also as though you were going to die the next minute and it didn't make any difference.

4. Accept God's Plan for You
The Purpose of Life - We come into this life with no worldly things, and we will leave this life without any worldly things.

Spirituality of Death - If we listen to the stillness within, we will discover what to keep and what to let go.

The Next Life - Heaven is God's special surprise for us.

5. Share Yourself with Others
Being Aware - You will notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

Giving - We need to look for ways to give in the right way, at the right time.

Connectedness - Life's precious moments do not have value unless they are shared.

The Example of Jesus - The invitation to love is offered to each of us. The choice is ours to make.

The Need to be Needed - In the end, prayer is the most needed and longest lasting help that anyone can offer.

Availability - Being available to others is not just giving time, money or advice.

Friendship - Finding space for others in our life is not an easy task. It requires concentration, unselfish thinking, devotion and sacrifice.

Sisters gather outside the Villa to celebrate the 100th birthday of Sister Orielda Spoden. Sisters Mary Luca Wertalka and Dorothy Sweeney are shown in front.

6. Be Aware of the Love of Others
The Nature of Love - The more love we give away, the more we get back.

God's Love - Our love for each other should reflect similar qualities.

Love in Old Age - As we grow older, we need to look at love as we did as a child, with eyes blindfolded to the imperfections around us.

7. Appreciate Yourself
Self-Esteem - The spark that builds and restores self-confidence starts from within.

God's Plan for Us - If we have done our best, we can let God take care of the rest.

Lifelong Growth and Learning - To have a peaceful mind, we need to dwell on the good.

Comparing Ourselves to Others - We need to develop the picture of ourselves from the mirror God holds.

Humility - To truly be humble is to throw off the shackles of our perfectionism.

8. Pardon Yourself and Others
Resentment - People who can forgive experience much more gracious, integrated and satisfied lives than those who harbor resentments.

Anger - We must let it go if we are to grow.

Guilt - Distorted guilt distracts us from what we can do to make things better. Genuine guilt leads us to reestablish lost relationships.

Compulsiveness - We alone, with our finite resources, are not solely responsible for the world.

Forgiveness - To forgive is to set the prisoner free. Only then do we discover that we were the true prisoner.

9. Accept Change
Letting Go and Letting God - The more we let go, the more we are able to make sense out of the nonsense of our lives.

Accepting Our Limitations - Despite our limitations, we can rekindle our faith, redefine our values, and contemplate the nature of our legacy to family, congregation and community.

Acceptance - We need to accept kindness, patience and help from others.

10. Embrace Suffering
The Mystery of Suffering - It is within our power to be at peace even when we are in pain.

The Passion - Jesus taught us that God can no more stop loving us than the sun can stop shining.

Pain - Medically, pain can be managed. Spiritually, it can be embraced as a way to grow.

11. Find Humor in Life
Humor - Humor allows the body to use its own natural healing resources. Laughter positively impacts nearly all major human physiological systems.

Jesus had a Sense of Humor - Jesus asked why we so easily see the speck in our neighbor's eye and fail to notice the log in our own. (Matthew 7:3)

Humor and Aging - Humor is a way of looking at aging from a different point of view, lightening up its crisis episodes, and providing us with increased insight and objectivity.

12. Validate Your Feelings
Recognizing Our Feelings - We can increase our understanding of what is going on within us.

Dealing with Our Feelings - It is important to acknowledge our feelings and own them.

Not Being Trapped - There is a popular five-step method to manage with our feelings: 1) name them 2) claim them 3) tame them 4) aim them and 5) exclaim them

The Blessings of Feelings - We all have our "down days." At the same time, we should appreciate and enjoy the powers that are still strong within us.

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by a righteous life.
Proverbs 16:31

Growing older is best accompanied when a deep "knowing" and acceptance are present. Changes are inevitable and therefore necessary choices will be made along the way. The elder will be more prepared to travel down the road of aging when emotional and spiritual maturity are packed for the journey In the end, a sense of peace is a true sign of accomplishment that a life was well lived.

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