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Hospitality and harmony: A sister's visit to South Korea

Editor's note: Sister Fran Ferder wrote a considerably longer account of her experiences in South Korea. In the portions that were edited out she provides greater depth on attributes
of the Korean character and culture. The complete text can be found on FSPAlive in Resources/Article Book Exchange/Talks of interest.

by Fran Ferder, FSPA

Nearly two years ago, an invitation was extended to Father John Heagle and me to present a conference on sexuality, intimacy and healthy boundaries for priests and members of religious communities in South Korea. We eventually accepted the invitation and made the journey just after Thanksgiving in 2005.

After 15 hours of flying, we arrived at the Seoul airport about 9:30 p.m. Much to our surprise, we were met, not by a single driver, but by a delegation of two priests and two sisters and enveloped in a delightful spirit of conversation and laughter as we were driven to our place of residence. Our hosts made sure that those meeting us spoke English and were familiar with our ministry and writing-all part of Korean hospitality. Upon arrival at the Columban Provincial House, we were given sandals, as shoes are not worn inside homes, and shown to our rooms. Then, about 11 p.m. (when I was more than ready for sleep) we were summoned to a tea ceremony!

Our four companions served a lemongrass tea "to sooth the dry throat after air travel, relieve aching muscles and promote a good night sleep." The ceremony was simple, as each of our hosts offered words of welcome in Korean and English. They bowed, and we drank their comforting tea.

Sister Fran Ferder is shown as she delivers a presentation in South Korea. Father John Heagle is shown to the right and Sister Maria, their translator, is on the far right. Sister Fran mentions they were very impressed by the South Korean's use of technology during the conferece. All of the text on the slides was tanslated into Korean. Photo courtesy of Fran Ferder, FSPA

Our invitation to South Korea had come from AMORI (Asian Members of Religious Institutes)-the equivalent of our LCWR/CMSM. They knew us from our writing and speaking, as our book, Your Sexual Self, and Father John's book, Suffering and Evil, have both been translated into Korean. (Tender Fires is currently being translated).

We were told that Koreans are hesitant to speak publicly about matters related to sexuality and intimacy, and that the priests and sisters never had a conference on the subject. Sister Kim Young Sun, (AMORI leader) wanted to change that reality. "It is more than time," she said, "for Korean religious to talk about these things in the open."

Young Sun (Kim is her last name but Korean's list it first) is in her 40s, and is a reserved but dynamic powerhouse of conviction and action. One of her current projects involves leading a delegation of religious leaders, including protestant ministers and Buddhist monks, across the border into North Korea to deliver much needed medical supplies, blankets, food and money to "relieve the suffering of the destitute poor of which the rest of the world knows so little."

Though they spoke only minimally of this work, we learned that this project, led by AMORI, is doing more to heal "our broken Korea" than any of the political and military rhetoric could ever do. Crossing the de-militarized zone, even with authorization cards, is dangerous. Yet, these courageous women and men continue their quiet, committed witness with profound conviction. It moved us deeply-and represents just another way that Koreans are committed to hospitality. To them, hospitality involves inclusion of the marginalized.

The conference was attended by approximately 500 priests and sisters, including seminarians and young sisters in formation. We immediately noticed three things when we entered the auditorium: Most of the sisters wore modern habits and veils (strongly influenced by Korea's Confucian heritage), all of the priests and seminarians were dressed in street clothes, and the average age of the whole group was probably about 40. We were definitely among the elders.

The actual speaking part of the conference was both a great learning experience and an exhausting challenge. We were joined at a conference table by our translator, Sister Maria, Sister of Divine Providence. As Father John and I took turns speaking, we had to pause after every sentence while Sister Maria translated.

The first morning was a bit rough as we both found it hard to keep our thoughts focused during the translation. I realized that I build a certain "energy momentum" as I speak, and stopping between sentences tends to break that momentum. We also had to learn to give Sister Maria a verb very early in the sentence, since verbs determine how the rest of the translation will proceed. By the end of the three day conference, we each felt that we had forged a friendship.

Sister Maria gave us a wonderful compliment during the closing remarks. She said, in both English and Korean, "I was told you would speak about collaboration and partnership, and about sexuality as relationship. But you do more than speak about it. I felt brought into relationship with you and we all have become partners." The audience clapped a long time. We were moved to tears.

This trip to South Korea, which I initially resisted, turned out to be a most profound opportunity that expanded my cultural awareness, deepened my appreciation of those whose experience is different than my own, and renewed my belief in the possibility of unity in diversity.

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